no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
