I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
