so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
