if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think your dad took our porno
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
