I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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