mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I could fuck to npr.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
