I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
