i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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