all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
