Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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