There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
