Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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