As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize