I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
