Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
