So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
