He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
