My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to calm my uterus...
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