Can i not drive my cunt home
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry about my life...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
