whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
