cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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