I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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