I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
