Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
