I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
