Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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