Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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