nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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