just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
