Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
