wat bout pragnant strippers??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
