dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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