How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
