Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
