Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
