you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
