I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
