i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
