Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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