its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
