I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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