Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
