....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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