so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
