There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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