one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
two words: eviction party
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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