it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
