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Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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