she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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