the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
