I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
