wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
