god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
