That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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