get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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