I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
