No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
