but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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