You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
