We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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