Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
