She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk is a universal language darling
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
