Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
