I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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