The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize