The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
