absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
MIDGETS
????
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
