First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
