All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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