I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
