After last night, I could never be a politician.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize