We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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