i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
