too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
