An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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