i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
