We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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