im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
