this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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