i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
