ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
