Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize