I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
