I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
