Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
