moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
