Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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