Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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